Love Stinks
by mike50333
Summary: Azula's perfect in many ways, but romance is not one of them.  Ty Lee lends a helping hand at Chan's party.  Set during The Beach.  No Slash.  One-Shot.


**Before you ask, this isn't a serious romantic fic. It's more of an attempt to poke fun at romance through humor. That said, I got the idea for this little one-shot while watching Episode 305 of A:TLA, better known as The Beach. This is my first ever one-shot and it took me about 5 hours to write. Let me know what you think. If you like it, say so. If you hate it, say so. If you hate **_**me**_**, say so. Just remember to SAY **_**SOMETHING!**_

**(Warning: there will be a bit of OOC-ness with both Ty Lee and Azula; thank you **Rikku-Azula **for bringing this to my attention.) **

**As always, before the god forsaken vampires at Viacom suck out the life-sustaining blood from my soul carrying body, I own **_**nothing**_** along the lines of Avatar: the Last Airbender, including the characters, original dialogue lines, and story environment(s), though one certain dream sequence **_**does**_** belong to me.**

**Before I forget, I should point out one more thing. When you get to the part where someone's mentioned to have a mustache, I got the idea for that from a chapter in Sun Daughter's writing-tutorial-disguised-as-a-story ... story, Summer's Day. It's a funny story designed to help new writers, like myself, sharpen their writing skills. If you're new to writing, and especially if you're writing A:TLA stories or are planning to venture into the fandom, this is a must-read. Check it out when you get the chance. You won't be disappointed.**

**R&R!**

_

* * *

Love Stinks

* * *

_

_Well…there goes _another_ chance at a date._ Ty Lee had just chi-blocked the testosterones out of the cluster of guys who'd put her in a corner, probing her incessantly to find who she…_liked. _After cartwheeling over the pack of wolves who now lay sprawled about the floor liked dashed rags, she smiled when she spotted Azula leaning back on one of the house pillars, staring upon the scene with a smirk; the smirk seemed to lessen as she drew closer to her friend.

"Oh, I'm glad you're here! Those boys won't leave me alone! I guess they all just like me too much!"

The Fire Princess' well sharpened brows dipped completely now as her amber eyes pierced the chocolate orbs of the perky acrobat. "Come _on, _Ty Lee. You can't be _this_ ignorant."

"What are you talking about?" she asked innocently.

"Those boys only 'like' you because you make it so easy for them. You're not a challenge, you're a _tease_. It's not like they actually _care_ who you are." Azula's words sunk into Ty Lee like the teeth of a viper and the poison coursed through her veins as her eyes welled up. The princess's smirk was resurrected until she gazed at the pain in her friend's eyes and realized that her words did a lot more damage than usual. As the girl's body rocked with sobs, Azula was slammed by an overwhelming sense of remorse.

"Okay, calm down," Azula begged as she grabbed Ty's hands. "I didn't mean what I said. Look, maybe I just said it because I was…" _I can't believe I'm _saying_ this!_ "_…Jealous._" As she whispered the last part of her confession, Azula was suddenly grateful that she was incognito to the remainder of the party-goers.

"What? You're jealous of _me?" I can't believe I'm _hearing _this! _Ty Lee was absolutely giddy, but knew that showing this would most likely mean sudden death. To try and cover the source of her mirth, she immediately went into Mindless Princess Worship Mode. "But, you're the most beautiful, smartest, most perfect girl in the world." Ty Lee held her breath. _**Please**_ _get self-centered like you always do!_

"Well, you're right about all those things-" Azula turned to face the other party guests and Ty Lee sighed silently "-but whenever I try to talk to boys, they act like I'm going to do something _horrible_ to them."

The Perk-ness Monster couldn't withhold a laugh as she pictured Azula with a foot planted upon the neck of a hog-tied Chan. "But you probably _would _do something horrible to them," she said half-jokingly. She could see Azula's aura shifting from the usual masking yellow to a light red; the Princess was getting annoyed, and that was never a good thing for Ty Lee. "I'm sure they're just intimidated by you."

The red faded away as Azula turned to face her friend again; her aura now had a faint dark-blue halo around it. She was saddened Ty Lee's prognosis. Normally she enjoyed knowing she was feared, but not at the expense of a boyfriend! Sensing Azula's sadness, Ty Lee put her perky face back on and decided to try and help.

"Okay, look. If you want a boy to like you, just look at him and smile a lot, and laugh at _everything _he says, even if it's not funny."

Azula looked at Ty Lee with a level of cynicism that was only surpassed by her lack of belief in anything spiritual. "Well that sounds _really _shallow and stupid." As Ty Lee's smile held, she gave it another thought. She would say that she was just as beautiful as Ty Lee was – what, no! Her beauty far surpassed that of that silly ditz! But…maybe the girl had a point. After all, Ty Lee was a nobleman's daughter turned circus freak and she _still_ got a crapload of attention from the boys, whereas _she _was Fire Nation royalty – the FREAKING FIRE NATION _PRINCESS _FOR SPIRIT'S SAKE! - and she had yet to get the attention of a single boy! "…Let's try it!"

"Okay." Ty Lee put on her best 'Big Hunk of a Man' impersonation…which of course wasn't very good. "Hey there, Sweet Sugar Cakes. How ya' liking this party?"

For a brief second, Ty Lee thought that an explosion had gone off near her until she saw Azula's mouth spread wide and her jaw bouncing up and down. Realizing Azula was making this bizarre sound, she stared blankly at the girl until the princess finally stopped and stared back.

"What?" Azula's aura turned light-red again, but the acrobat was far too paralyzed to react to it.

"Azula…what _was_ that?" Ty Lee asked, her eyes not deviating a nanometer.

"What was _what?_" Azula asked with a light frown.

"That…_sound_ you just made."

"I was laughing."

"You _were_?" Ty asked with a gasp.

"Well, duh!" Azula blurted. "What did you _think_ it was?"

"I don't know…I thought you were possessed or something…"

Azula glowered wickedly and Ty Lee winced. She pondered turning her friend to a smoldering pile of ash, but decided against it. She would never hear the end of it from Mai.

Working past her fear, Ty Lee crossed her arms. "I can see we're gonna have to work on this a bit." She then gave Azula a reassuring smile. "First of all, when I say 'laugh at everything he says,' I mean laugh at his _jokes_."

Azula perked a befuddled brow. "You mean that wasn't supposed to be a joke?"

"No..."

"But why did you call me 'Sweet Sugar Cakes?'"

"That's what guys call girls that they're into. Think of it as an introduction."

Azula gripped her chin as she tried to process this information. "Okay, I think I get it."

Ty Lee nodded. "Also, when you laugh, try to keep it toned down. You don't want people thinking a banshee-monkey escaped," she informed with a giggle.

"You think I sound like a _banshee-monkey?_" A wave of heat passed through the room as the lanterns therein burst with icy cobalt.

"No, no! I didn't mean that!" Ty Lee cried out as the heat nearly singed her skin. "I'm just trying to say to laugh a little softer." _How do I show her? _"…I've got it!" Ty Lee chirped. "Picture Zuko with a mustache!"

"Picture him with a _what?"_

"With a mustache! A big, bushy mustache and beard like Uncle Iroh!"

Ignoring the crucial fact that the fat glutton of a failure general wasn't the acrobat's uncle, Azula complied. As the image materialized in her head, her slender lips stretched and she chuckled softly.

"There, like that!"

Azula's laughter subsided and she stared at her friend with a hint of amazement. As much of an idiot as Ty Lee was, she did have her moments where she honestly impressed the princess. "Is there…anything else I should be aware of?"

(line break)

"Alright, I think you're ready!" Ty announced with clasped hands. "Do you want to go over the points one more time, just in case?"

"Ty Lee, we went over them ten times already – they're scorched into my brain," the princess said drily.

"Alright. Ooh, there's Chan!" Ty Lee pointed to the party host who was standing to the back of the room, chatting with another girl. "Look at that hussy, trying to steal your man. You ready to show her what for?" Azula simply gave smirked and walked coolly to the duo, taking a brisk sip of her drink.

_Step 1: Exude confidence. Piece of cake._

"Chan? I'm ready for a tour of the house."

Taking the bait like the simple player he was, Chan handed the drink he was holding to the other girl and walked towards the house's rear, Azula following behind as she placed _her _drink on the seething patron's head. Ty Lee looked on and smiled. She _had_ to see how this would turn out.

* * *

"So, is this your first time at Ember Island?" Chan asked as he leaned on the railing of the house's back patio.

"No," Azula answered, gazing dreamily into the young man's eyes. "I used to come here years ago."

"It's a great place, if you like sand."

Azula caught on to the joke and expected to force a laugh. So she was surprised when she heard and felt the chuckles just roll out of her lungs. She actually found the joke to be…funny.

Chan took this as a sign to toss out another joke. "Yeah. It's like, 'Welcome to Sandy Land!" They both laughed at this silly pun.

_Step 2: Laugh – Reasonably – At Everything He Says. Check._

As the laughter subsided, Chan turned to Azula. The girl's eyes landed right on his busting biceps.

"Your arms look _so _strong." The words came out as soft as the silk dress the princess wore.

_Step 3: Simple Ego-Inflating Compliment_

The already self-indulgent smirk on Chan's face only grew larger, flexing his arm as he received the ego-boosting complement.

"Yeah, I know."

With the ocean and the wall of rocks before and below them, and the bustling of the party behind, the sights and sounds of their little slice of the world faded into black as their lips gravitated to each other like moths to a flame.

_Step 4: Lock and Load._

_

* * *

_

As they kissed, Ty Lee, who stood on the ledge above them, looked down and smiled.

_Azula really does need a boyfriend, and what better person for her than someone who's as self-centered and megalomaniacal as she is?_ Suddenly, a crazy thought popped up in the peppy girl's head. _If they hit it off, maybe she'll get so engrossed with him that she accidentally leaves me here at Ember Island. Then I'll have free range with all the boys! I could totally become the Fire Lord of Ember Island in, like, a _week!

She could see it now. There on the beach would sit Fire Lord Ty Lee upon her golden throne. Her royal perch would be encrusted with rubies and diamonds and laced with pink ribbons and surrounded by dozens upon dozens of pink roses. Ty Lee herself was dressed in her circus attair again, specifically wearing the outfit from her final circus performance, complete with the tiara. Flanking her throne were legions of boys, all bowing in reverence to her Excellency.

She was completely lost in her reverie until Azula's voice pulled her back to reality.

"Together, we will be the most powerful couple in the entire world. We will _**dominate the earth!"**_

Ty Lee's smile, as well as her dreams, dropped into the crashing surf below as Chan, looking mortified unto death, came up with the lamest excuse to pardon himself and slinked back into the party. Seeing Azula's dejected face, the acrobat sighed, resting her elbows on the rail upon her perch and cradled her head between her interlocked fingers. "_Well, there goes _that _dream. It was fun while it lasted, though…_" She looked back down when she heard an annoyed hiss.

"How long have you been up there?" Azula asked, looking to her annoying friend.

"I saw the whole thing. You were doing great until…well-"

"Yes, I get it," Azula shot back to her.

"Well…" Ty Lee flipped onto a banister that divided the railing into sections, gripping it with her hands, and hopped down in another flip onto the patio with Azula. "I guess we're both without boyfriends…_again."_

Azula cut her eyes towards the braided haired party pooper. "I blame you."

The other girl simply shrugged and started into the house. As they entered the party room, the two girls stopped briefly as they heared a couple of people arguing about something near the front of the house. Their voices sounded familiar. Looking through the gathering throngs of people, they roughly could see Zuko and Mai yelling at each other. Ty Lee sighed and shook her head. She'd seen this coming. They were going at each other almost the whole time they were at Ember Island; plus, they'd already broken up and gotten back together twice already. Theirs was a very…fiery relationship.

Ty Lee drew her eyes back to Azula. "Hey, you don't think we're gonna get kicked out because of that thing between you and Chan, do you?"

Just then a loud crash rang out.

Pushing through the gathering crowd, they got a clear view just in time to hear Chan cry out in distress.

"Who broke my nana's vase?"

Ran-Jían, who was brushing off pieces of priceless heirloom off of his clothes, thrust a hand towards an angry Zuko.

Azula turned to Ty Lee who was gazing at the chaos in horror and confirmed what the other girl already knew. "No, but we're definitely gonna' get kicked out because of _that_."

* * *

**Did anyone else notice when they watched that episode of Avatar that Ty Lee's necklace resembled something along the lines of a dog collar? I hope the producers weren't insinuating something.**

**Ty Lee: I would hope _you're _not insinuating something...(thrusts a knuckle into Mike's face...then turns to Mai) What does 'insinuate' mean, again?**

**Mai (Monotonous): *Sigh* It means to make a sly assumption or to try and cast a certain thought or opinion upon someone. Honestly, it's a shame you flunked vocab in the Royal Fire Academy for Girls.**

**Ty Lee: I didn't _flunk_ it, I _dropped _the class. It was boring.**

**Mai: You sure you weren't just too stupid for the course?**

**Mike: Uhh, ladies?**

**Ty Lee: Like _you're _one to talk! _You _flunked art class! _ART CLASS!_ How do you flunk _art?_**

**Mike: Well, you'd be surprised-**

**Azula: Everybody _shut up!_**

**Everyone: ...**

**Azula: Ty Lee, your necklace _does _look like a dog collar. If you don't want people thinking you're a (Chihuahua starts to yip like crazy), then don't wear it! Furthermore, you're an idiot! Always have been, always will be! And Mai, you're stupid too for flunking art. And _YOU _(thrusts a finger into Mike's face) are clearly stupid too if you flunked art class.**

**Mike: Hey, it was boring and uninteresting, at the time!**

**Azula: *eyeroll* Boring and uninteresting mean the same thing, genius.**

**Mike: *Shoots a sulking glare at Azula* You know, as the writer, I could have you fly through the ceiling, over the cliff, and into the craggy rocks, below.**

**Azula: *smirks* But you won't, will you?**

**Me: …**

**Azula: Didn't think so. Now will you three imbeciles shut up so I can go to sleep? I have an ex-boyfriend to kill in the morning.**

**Sorry. This A/N wasn't supposed to end up this longwinded and nutty, but this is how my mind sometimes works. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed it. Regardless, please leave your reviews. :D**


End file.
